 | justjacques (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small} justjacques) wrote, |
- Mood:
ecstatic
nothing does indeed not change
i'm here all the fucking way in india, and i'm thinking about madeline. i dont understand it, and i dont think its compleely fair of me to beanalyzing her life which isnt my life from so far away. but it makes me think. beause i'm just like that. i always go back to this same thing, and i always run back to this feeling of suicide. i hate it though. its so stupid.its almost as if i have nothing else to think about, i'm bored of thinking so i spiral down to this very low place where i'm all alone and no one is there. but its all in my head.
the thing i found about suicide that i thinkis thebest thing i could ever do its like a switch. i can just switch it off, and you always need an outlet.people without outlets just resort to that. the world is so large and there are so many people who wished they were you and if you cant see that its your own fault. thats what i think. everytime i feel like cutting or doing something to myself now i just think about how one of the kids here cried because i was teaching him english. he literally broke down into tears and started crying. i dont think it was completely the best experience but i was just very touched by it. i dont know i dont think very many things can supercede that experience...whatever, i'm missing kelly like all hell. iget to go to connecticut and then boston when i get home! !! :] actually connecticut isnt that great. haha. but bostons cool.
:[ just be happy.
i know maddys probably not reading this, but, "corie get it together"
(i dont blame you from disconnecting, a little bit of space is always good.)
August 17 2005, 05:22:05 UTC 6 years ago
i hope when we grow older you see my face and cry.
August 20 2005, 11:51:08 UTC 6 years ago
much love from boring south brunswick. haaaa.